Evelynn’s Basket

Leaving the funeral home, I was beyond exhausted but at peace. Five days postpartum I stood for hours and hugged dear friends and family as they came in single file to love on us. The “worst” part of our journey was over, or so I thought. I knew little about grief and let me say, it is not linear. It was time to focus on myself, on healing, but all I could think about was the past. I was afraid the farther I moved from that day, the more I would lose her.. The whole journey I dreaded being in that hospital room holding my lifeless baby but after it was all over, it was the place I wanted to be the most. I wanted her back in my arms.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. John 1:5 NLT

The first week of encounters were all met with tears. I barely left the house but when I did, I still looked obviously pregnant and no one held back from asking me when I was due. All I could think about was that pink purse and how empty my arms felt.. Walking out of the funeral home, I told Dalton I wanted to do something about what she was carried away in but I didn’t know what. I knew there was no obvious ill-willed intentions but my girl deserved better. Why? Why did I let her go if it didn’t feel right. Looking at the big picture, it didn’t matter but when it’s your child sometimes it’s the little things that matter most.

As the weeks passed from her memorial, I would still be reminded of that pink purse and at times my anxiety would get the best of me and I would break down and just cry. I felt like I had abandoned my baby. I let her get carried away like she didn’t matter when it’s what I fought for her entire life. I didn’t want to bring it to anyones attention without a solution, so I created one. If she wasn’t going to get carried away in someones arms the only other thing that seemed honorable to me was a basket. I wanted a basket. I told a few friends about what I wanted to do and they specifically recommended a Moses basket. I didn’t know they existed before this and can I just say, how perfect!! Babies can be swaddled, laid down gently, and carried with respect. They’re hand-woven just for this because long ago a mother who saw her child was special thought the only other thing that seemed good enough besides her arms was a hand-woven basket. (Exodus 2)

A little bit of research and a few weeks later, my solution came to life. The basket was ordered! I wanted it to be in honor of the one little girl who has made me a different woman. A former deacon at our church owns an engraving store and he donated a plaque to sow onto the side. Here comes that dance of joy and grief again.. I was smiling from ear to ear as tears streamed down my face. “Her life was surrounded by love and now we can pass that love to others in need.” The basket was given to the funeral home last Saturday (Day 13 act of honor that I can now explain) to use to pick up any future newborns or infants. I hate there is a need for this but that solution is much bigger than me. I pray this act makes a difference in others lives and they feel the love from this transformed momma and her special girl. You are not alone.

Day 20. Did you know?

From 1950 to 2000 the infant mortality rate for the US declined dramatically from 29.2 to 6.9 infant deaths per 1,000 live births. Hallelujah!

From 2000 to 2014 the infant mortality rate has taken a slow decline from 6.9 to 5.8 infant deaths per 1,000 live births.

Here’s to helping spread love and awareness.