A real journey about the rollercoaster of pain and love when losing a baby. I'm here to bring awareness and be a voice for all those in this sacred club.
There is no doubt that I was affected by anticipating losing my daughter, delivering a lifeless body, and then having to give her body away. Everything about the situation makes me hurt to my bones. But do you know who is often the first to step inside my grief with me? Her daddy. Do you know who also has felt every hurt and pain? Her daddy. Do you know who has picked my overweight body off the floor and quite literally put one of my feet in front of the other so I could press on? Her daddy.
Women are naturally the face of pregnancy and infant loss because we get to carry our babes but those brave men who stand beside every woman who is hurting and damaged deserve more. They grieve too. They need support too. They need to be able to let it out too. Men don’t grieve differently than women. Humans grieve differently from other humans. In our house there is no standard type of grief. There is no timeline. There is openness. There is understanding. There is healing.
TN in the fall.
Day 24. A Letter From Daddy.
“Baby girl,
Daddy misses you with such an ache in his heart. I remember mommy sneaking in the fact that your were going to be our newest baby bear. I almost didn’t catch it when she said we would be a family of 4. I was so excited to be a daddy again. I knew, boy or girl, you were going to help your mommy and big brother fill up my heart. I wanted to tell everyone you were on the way as soon as I knew, but you have an EXTRA awesome mommy who likes to do things in a fun way so I had to be patient.
Many weeks later, I was getting impatient to know your gender and my birthday was approaching. I was on team girl since the beginning because I longed to have a “daddy’s girl”. Finally, my birthday had arrived and I went about my day not knowing that Mommy was going to surprise me with your gender. She called and my heart hurt immediately knowing something was wrong.
I found out two things that day, that I was going to have the baby girl I had been praying for and that you werent going to live long enough for me to meet you. My heart was in so much pain knowing that there was nothing I could do. I couldnt help or protect you. In my mind, I would periodically flip through the things that we weren’t going to get to experience together. The daddy’s little girl list: tea parties, dress up, dances, and chasing off your future boyfriends.
Mommy and I went to many appointments and we were always so excited to see you growing and moving and defying all the odds. I loved seeing and feeling how active you were. The day we had to say goodbye and I got to finally hold you was deeply longed for and so painful. You are my angel baby, Evey, and I know God is with you. I look forward to the day I get to join you and we can make up for all the lost time. I hope you know that daddy’s heart is healing knowing that your heart got to remain pure. I love you endlessly.
Love Daddy”
“Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.” Matthew 5:8
Hey all!
I’m a wife and mom who fears God and loves deeply. I’m a full-time Registerd Nurse with a passion for people and a love of nature and animals. I work out for my mental sanity and so I can dive in to the beautiful world of culinary arts. :)
I’m so glad your on this journey with me.
With Love,
Me
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