Day 23.
Oh, my sweet girl,
I wonder if you can look down on your momma bear and know my thoughts before I even leave them here? Before you were created, I prayed for you. Mommy and Daddy wanted you so bad I took my temperature and asked daddy to eat brazil nuts in hopes we could help God form you. The day I found out we were a family of four was pure joy and excitement. My heart grew to an incomprehensible level and I was never the same. Did you hear me up there? You were so wanted.
I told Daddy you were on the way as we were already crying watching This Is Us. It took him a minute to realize what I said then his tears turned to tears of joy as he reached over and started to rub my belly, to touch you. NOTHING about you was an accident.
Learning about your diagnosis stopped mommy and daddy in their tracks because we were afraid we wouldn’t get to know you. You helped us focus on what’s important and for that; I’m sorry I didn’t read you more books. Charlie wanted to share his favorite books with you. I hope you can still hear his voice. He is the best big brother, Eve, and was so ready to have sleepovers and love you like a best friend. Do you hear him pray for you every night? He always asks God to make sure you have great snacks before school and bedtime. God broke me and you, my dear, helped Him recreate me.
You have changed me for the better.
I’m so proud to have had you as my daughter, even though it was much shorter than I had ever dreamed of. Baby, you have touched so many lives. People who only know your name love you. I will always cherish your active spirit and just knowing you were so much of me. The weight of your perfect-to-me body on my chest will be engraved on my heart until I can feel it again. My arms long for you to be in them.
Knowing the first time your eyes opened you saw Jesus is the only thing that gives me comfort. You are the lucky one, sugar. Your lullabies are in angels’ voices and the first steps you take will be on Holy ground. I hope you have only known perfect peace and love. I dream of the day I get to hold you again. I’m so proud your the one saving your three bears a seat next to the Savior. You will always be my beautiful girl and our guardian angel.
With butterfly kisses,
Mommy
A poem from Evelynn:
“I lived my life inside you cocooned in all your love, so please don’t cry I’m still with you, just up above.
I felt your every heartbeat it’s my sweetest melody and for every heavenly bedtime the Angels play it back to me.
I know how much that I am wanted, I feel so very blessed. Of all the parents in the world, I got the very best!
You think of me in all your waking hours. And on those sleepless nights just look out the window and you’ll fine me, The brightest star, the most dazzling light.
I’m that little breeze in the summer and I’m that unexpected white feather. I plucked it from my downy wings so that you remember we are always together.
I know how much it hurt your soul when we had to say goodbye. But I’m not gone, I’m always here. I’m your sweet little butterfly.”
Author Unknown
Evelynn’s Basket 